Now that we're in an official recession, and not just some wannabe poser recession, it's time to look on the bright side of our economic downturn. Yes, the recession means having to hear 800 times a day from every news source imaginable that we're in a recession (Sorry), and it also means that mousy "money expert" on the Today show gets to profit off of everyone's panic with daily, useless, extra-panicky "Money 911" segments. But The Greatest Depression also means terrible businesses that you've always hated could, theoretically at least, go out of business–or at least scale back on advertising.
True, it hasn't happened yet. But in this age of hope we should all look for silver linings even in the darkest of skies. To put it another way: what good is a recession if it doesn't force Kay Jewelers out of business?
"This the one ma'am?"
"[dreamily] Yes. This is the one." [kisses creepy husband]
"So, uh, you want me to wrap it in plastic sheeting and tie it to the roof of your car?"
"[dreamily] Yes. Wrap it in plastic sheeting and tie it to the roof of my car." [kisses creepy husband again]
"Alright, ma'am." [Grabs creepy husband from behind] "Sir, this is going to be a lot easier if you don't struggle. Don't make me get the chloroform."
And scene.
You can tell that Kay has the finest gold advertised via syrupy Christmas couples by the way they put that gold brick in the corner. That's how you know it's real gold: a small photo of a gleaming gold brick on or near the jewelry.
Please, recession. Make Kay Jewelers stop.