Will Arnett attempts escape to CBS sitcom, despite still being trapped within Up All Night's mangled body

Continuing NBC’s cruel, Johnny Got His Gun-like experiment on Up All Night—which, despite losing most of its limbs and its face, the network is determined to keep alive out of some mad, patriotic fervor—Will Arnett has signed on to star in Greg Garcia’s new CBS sitcom, yet still Up All Night has not been allowed to die. As we were reminded earlier this week, when Maya Rudolph similarly attempted to defect through the escape tunnel of her uterus, both she and Arnett remain contractually obligated to the series, having neglected to obtain whatever clause allowed Christina Applegate to cut and run once the show finally became mangled beyond all recognition.

And while both CBS and Arnett are obviously operating under the assumption that NBC will eventually make the humane decision, and that he’ll be free in the fall to star in their as-yet-untitled sitcom about a recently divorced guy dealing with his parents’ own rocky marriage, should NBC decide that what Up All Night needs is another tracheotomy hole right here, its renewal means Arnett would have to abandon his new life and get back to work. And as of now, Arnett officially remains trapped inside Up All Night’s mangled body, his visions of trading quips with his new sitcom parents nothing but a morphine-induced dream.