Will.i.am would like to sell you a COVID-thwarting "Xupermask" that looks like sci-fi fetish gear

Will.i.am, superpowered cowboy, App Store archaeologist, and co-conspirator in some of the worst music crimes of the 2000s, is cashing in on COVID-19. The former Black Eyed Pea has just revealed something called “Xupermask,” which promises to both protect against virus transmission and make wearers look like they’re constantly en route to a fetish club for robots.

The Xupermask, which is indeed the name of the product in question, is designed with “three dual speed fans” and a HEPA filtration system as well as “Bluetooth connectivity, LED day glow lights, multi-functioning button controls, and a magnetic earbud docking system.” It costs $299 and it looks like this.

Will.i.am told People that his creation, made in collaboration with costumer designer Jose Fernandez and thermostat manufacturer Honeywell, was designed to address “the pain points that people have with masks and earbuds and how earbuds were not designed to pick up the voice of people that have fabric in front of their mouth.”

Over on his Instagram, Will.i.am has been showing off the Xupermask with an ad reel where a robotic voice sings barely discernible words over flashing images of the mask and single-sentence feature descriptions. “THE FUTURE IS NOW,” the caption reads, assuming a lot about how much money the pandemic has left people to spend on Bluetooth-enabled Mortal Kombat cosplay.

“[With Xupermask], you could literally whisper on a bike on a Zoom, and they hear you perfectly fine because we block off the wind and we block out the noise and block out the germs,” Will.i.am says. He also explains that “the price point is not astronomical,” and that Xupermask is meant “for that collector, that traveler.”

If you are that collector, that traveler—that person who takes Zoom meetings while whispering on their bike—then you’ll be happy to know that Xupermask will go on sale this Thursday.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to [email protected]