9.4 million disappointed viewers watched last night's Golden Globes

Criticism of the 81st annual Golden Globes ceremony wasn’t the only thing up last night. Viewership for the perpetually flailing awards show grew by 50% from the previous year when dismal ratings finally pushed the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) off the show for good. According to Nielsen’s fast national figures (per The Wrap), more than 9.4 million viewers watched The Golden Globes drown in flop sweat as Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner made puppy-dog eyes at each other on national television. It was the most successful Globes since 2020, with 2023’s Taylor Swift-less ceremony bringing in 6.3 million viewers.

Unfortunately for Jo Koy, whose opening monologue was widely panned, that means nearly 10 million saw him channel his inner Seth MacFarlane and describe the most popular movie about female autonomy of the year as a movie about “a plastic doll with big boobies.” That’s your Cinematic and Box Office Achievement winner, Mr. Koy. Show some respect. Still, viewers found solace in frequent shots of Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez chatting at their table, Meryl Streep doing the “Wakanda forever” thing from when people liked Marvel movies 100 years ago, and a Suits reunion that left much to be desired, particularly Meghan Markle. Hey, that’s live television. One award show has Will Smith slapping Chris Rock; the other has Kevin Costner mumbling through America Ferrera’s monologue from Barbie like he was being held hostage by the Golden Global Journalists.

But Sunday’s telecast didn’t just trounce last year’s numbers. It blew the doors off the previous three years of Golden Globes broadcasts—you know, the ones that happened during COVID and barely existed outside of the controversies the HFPA kept creating for itself. However, the Golden Globes couldn’t top 2020’s numbers, when very edgy comedian Ricky Gervais hosted for the fifth and supposedly final time and brought in more than 19 million. We suppose that explains why the Globes felt it necessary to award his latest special, Armageddon, an obligatory award for advancements in the field of jokes from the 2016 internet.