Dracula neither funny, nor sexy in The Last Voyage Of The Demeter trailer

It’s basic vampire orthodoxy at this point that if you’re dealing with Dracula, he’d better be sexy. Or, barring that: Funny. Those are the two versions of Dracula we’ve settled on in our society: He’s either gotta be a Byronic blood-drinker who smolders as he kills, or Nicolas Cage schticking it up.

Hence our surprise—bordering on dismay!—at the trailer for upcoming horror film The Last Voyage Of The Demeter, in which the movie’s version of Bram Stoker’s infamous vampire is neither erotic nor chuckle-ready, but is, in fact, a pretty damn scary horror movie monster who is just going to eat a whole bunch of people. What is the world coming to?

Drac-heads will recognize that the book’s title and premise both come from Dracula itself, and specifically the chapter “The Captain’s Log,” which details the miserable tale of the ship that Dracula hires to carry his coffin, some native earth, and himself to England after he gets sick of snacking on Romanian peasants. True to the book, the Drac in the film doesn’t do sensual neck nibbles or goofy jokes: He just fucking eats people, none of whom (including stars Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, and Game Of Thrones’ Liam Cunningham) seem especially well-equipped to deal with a ravenous bat-man killing off their comrades.

And we might joke around a little, but Demeter actually looks pretty damn cool: A ship is a great “locked” location for a horror movie to take place in, and this version of Dracula seems legitimately scary, raising genuine questions about how any of these people might survive their voyage. (Spoilers for a century-old book: Most of them won’t.)

The Last Voyage Of The Demeter sails into theaters on August 11.