FasTen your seatbelts for Fast X, the disappointing title of the 10th Fast And Furious

For roughly the last year, friends of the family, which is to say, fans of the Fast And Furious movies, have been breathlessly trying to guess the title of the long-awaited two-part finale. Nine movies in (not including Hobbs & Shaw), The Fast Saga has never landed on a consistent or even logical title format, leading to Twitter joke upon Twitter joke adding the “Tokyo Drift” subtitle to meme-able movies like The Boss Baby and Shrek.

While many were hoping for a forced, nonsensical portmanteau like “FasTen Your Seatbelts” or a play on those stupid numerical sequel titles, like Fast And Fur10us, we’re getting the most boring of outcomes. Fast X is what the movie will be called per Vin Diesel’s Instagram post. It’s not even Fast X: The Fast Saga á la F9: The Fast Saga; just Fast X. It might as well be called Disappointment: Tokyo Drift.

Fast X isn’t necessarily a break in tradition for a formless title scheme. Since 2 Fast 2 Furious, the Fast Saga has been all over the map. How else can you justify a fourth movie called Fast & Furious and a fifth one called Fast Five? It’s on par with Apple’s reality distortion field, where the iPhone 13 is actually, like, the 15th iPhone. Still, we, the ticket-buying public, would like a bit more creativity.

It’s no one’s fault, really. Fast X makes the most sense in terms of marketing. Though would it have killed them to call it Fast X Furious, like it was the Saweetie meal at McDonald’s? Apparently.

The whole family, including Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, and Sung Kang, is expected to return for Fast X. Joining the cast, though, are Jason Momoa and Brie Larson, the gruesome twosome as they’ve come to be known by this humble writer.

Expected to hit theaters next year, Fast X won’t be the finale of the Fast Saga. Though, it’s unclear what the hell Fast 11 will be called. Probably something sick like The Fast And The Furious 11.