Newly minted Grammy winner Doja Cat: "I've never taken such a fast piss in my whole life"

In “Really didn’t expect to beat BTS and Coldplay, simultaneously” news: Newly minted Grammy winners Doja Cat and SZA really did not seem to be ready to pick up their awards from a Las Vegas stage during the 64th annual Grammy awards ceremony.

The duo won tonight for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, for their song “Kiss Me More.” Their response was a two-part textbook performance in “Wait, what?” starting with SZA overcoming crutches, high heels, and an exceedingly long train on her dress to manage the Grammy stairs. (God bless Lady Gaga for helping her to not break her neck during the approach.) Her first, momentous words: “Girl, you went to the bathroom for like five minutes, are you serious?”

This, addressed to her collaborator Doja Cat, who was busy rushing to the stage, and who opened her own address to the assembled august luminaries with, “Listen, I’ve never taken a piss so fast in my whole life.” It’s about as human a moment as a tightly choreographed awards show like this can produce.

After getting themselves, y’know, settled, the duo remained deeply emotional in their acceptance speeches. “SZA, you are everything to me,” said Doja Cat, who made headlines late last month by suggesting she might soon be leaving the music business. “I’m glad you made it back in time,” SZA responded, while also thanking her family and fans for the Grammy win.

Then, Doja Cat took the mic again. “I like to downplay shit,” she admitted, wiping tears from her eyes. “But this is a big deal.” And, really, isn’t that awards show reality? One minute you’re joking about taking a piss in the midst of one of the biggest moments of your career, the next you’re projecting some genuine emotion into a public appreciation for your work. It was strangely moving and sweet and also, yes, very hilarious, because, seriously: What a time to pick for a bathroom visit!