Blackhole of creativity spits out Twilight reboot series

In some ways, it was inevitable. Seeing as we’re staring down the barrel of a Hunger Games prequel, another round of Lord Of The Rings movies, and, most importantly, a television reboot of Harry Potter, it was only a matter of time before someone dusted the glitter off the Twilight books. And now Lionsgate has; per The Hollywood Reporter, Lionsgate and Summit are developing TV series about Twilight.

Before we start digging out all our Team Edward pennants and Googling “Taylor Lautner net worth,” the show is still in its infancy. Lionsgate Television has merely imprinted on the series, which is still in early development. However, a writer is attached: Sinead Daly, whose credits include Tell Me Lies, The Walking Dead: World Beyond, and Raised by Wolves. Nevertheless, The Hollywood Reporter indicates the studio is preparing to shop the show around, pitching potential networks on remembering how much goddamn money these movies made.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with a Twilight TV show. With its glacial plotting and anything-goes approach to vampiric myth-making, Twilight feels better suited to be stretched thin across several seasons instead of a few movies. After all, there was so little plot by the end of the film series that the last one is just a dream about what could’ve happened if anything interesting happened in Twilight. Counterpoint: The movies generated more than $3.4 billion at the box office, so they’ll keep remaking this stuff as long as people will watch it. Sadly, we know we will (if only to see how they handle the baseball game).

Strangely, the report doesn’t focus on the Twilight book author Stephenie Meyer has published since the series ended. Midnight Sun, for example, tells the story of Twilight from Edward’s perspective. Sure, it sounds reductive to finally give the predatory centenarian a chance to tell his side of the story, but at least it would require some imagination.

But the real question: how do you handle Renesmee in today’s climate? Can a teenage werewolf sex pest still call dibs on a baby in the year of our lord 2023?Do they bring back the original doll and de-age? And how will they handle Jasper Hale, the Confederate soldier-turned-vampire? Unfortunately, these are questions that won’t be answered for a decade. Until then, we’ll be over here shaking our fists toward the heavens and yelling at clouds.