In best use of time ever, state rep. drafts bills banning The Bachelor's Arie Luyendyk Jr. from Minnesota

By Alex McLevy | March 8, 2018 | 3:22pm

Aux News The Bachelor

Well, he may have dumped his fiancee on national television, gotten universally scorned for the piss-poor way he went about it, and inadvertently revealed himself as a secret jerk hiding inside a nice guy shell, but at least The Bachelor’s Arie Luyendyk, Jr. won’t ever have to eat poorly prepared hotdish.

In what is surely the best use of an elected official’s time since Vice President Mike Pence went to a football game just so he could walk out of it in the opening minutes, a Minnesota state representative has decided that Becca Kufrin, the ostensible “winner” of this season of The Bachelor, shouldn’t have to worry about bumping into her ex. Kufrin, who spent a half-hour Monday night watching unedited footage of this year’s Bachelor, Arie Luyendyk, Jr., dropping her for the other woman he dumped at the final rose ceremony, had returned to Minnesota after the ordeal to process the breakup. Once the rest of her home state saw what happened, one of the people put in office to make things run smooth figured “running smoothly” includes helping to ensure one of his constituents didn’t have to deal with her obnoxious ex-fiancé.

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Needless to say, twenty times the number of people required to force Drew to get off the couch and miss Shondaland programming chimed in, pushing the representative from the great town of Burnsville (motto: “Sorry we make traffic on 94 so crappy every day, it really does seem like an outsized influence compared to our population”) to draft a bill banning Luyendyk Jr. from entering the state. Harsh, yes, but fair, since no one should have to worry about seeing The Bachelor when they’re crossing from Block E to First Avenue, and you just know Arie would be eating at O’Donovan’s Pub instead of Pizza Lucé, like a real dummy. Drew Christensen is a man of his word—you know because he says so:

Stay out for now, Arie. Just give us time to grieve as a collective people, albeit people who have a more powerful than average love for Charles M. Schulz just because he lived above O’Gara’s Bar And Grill for awhile.