We have enough bad ideas, conspiracy theories, and angry grudges flowing through our head every day—courtesy of the information cesspool we all call the internet—that there’s some genuine relief in realizing that a major corporation really is messing with your life. Like, say, harboring a suspicion that your older-model iPhone has been running slower lately, and then having Apple confirm that, yup, it intentionally sent you an update to slow it down.
This is per The Verge, which reports that Apple has cheerfully admitted to throttling the processor speeds on iPhone 6s and 7s with recent software updates. The motivation isn’t just pure corporate evil or planned obsolescence, though; the idea is to slow these older phones down because they almost always have older batteries—thanks in part to it being a huge pain in the ass to get an iPhone battery changed—which can cause the phone to freeze up and crash if the device is running too fast. The solution: Intentionally make the phones run slower.
So, there’s the good news: Not only can you get your aging smartphone back up to its old speeds with a quick battery replacement trip to the Apple Store, but you’re also not crazy when you tell people that the corporations are trying to anonymously control your life. Tin-foil hats and new iPhone batteries for everybody!