Jo Koy knows he flopped

Jo Koy found out why hosting The Golden Globes is considered one of the least desirable gigs in Hollywood last night with a speed unrivaled even by Oppenheimer’s nuclear bomb (a film he may not have finished because it was too long). There’s no other way to say it: his monologue sucked. If you’ve been anywhere near the internet (or a Swiftie) in the past 24 hours, you probably know just how bad it was. It was misogynistic. It was outdated. It was a miserably uncomfortable affair that was even worse for the stars in the audience than it was for viewers at home, although as one of those viewers, that’s pretty hard to imagine.

Well, Koy has heard your complaints and he’s only a little bit sorry. “I had fun. You know, it was a moment that I’ll always remember,” the comedian said on Good Morning America this morning. “It’s a tough room. It was a hard job, I’m not going to lie… I’d be lying if [I said] it doesn’t hurt. I hit a moment there where I was like, ‘Ah.’ Hosting is just a tough gig.”

“I kind of went in and did the writer’s thing. We had 10 days to write this monologue. It was a crash course,” he continued. “I feel bad, but I got to still say I loved what I did.” Apparently not everyone working on the monologue got an A in that crash course, however, as the host was quick to pawn off his, er, less effective jokes on other people. “Some I wrote, some other people wrote,” he said in a panicky, off-script bit last night. “I got the gig ten days ago! You want a perfect monologue? Shut up! You’re kidding me, right? I wrote some of these, and they’re the ones you’re laughing at.”

Speaking of bad punchlines, Koy was at least able to admit that his dig about Taylor Swift was “a weird joke, I guess.” “The Taylor [Swift] one was just a little flat… It was more on the NFL… I was trying to make fun of the NFL using cutaways and how the Globes didn’t have to do that. So it was more of a jab toward the NFL. But it just didn’t come out that way,” he rationalized.

To the relief of pretty much everybody, it sounds like Koy won’t be hosting again any time soon. “That’s a tough gig, I’m not going to lie,” he concluded. “I love the art of standup. It was cool the opportunity came to me, but hosting is just a beast. That’s about it.” From one person with no major hosting experience to another, this writer has one suggestion for whoever comes next: the minute you write the word “boobies” in reference to one of the year’s most celebrated feminist films, stop! Problem solved.