Pauly Shore's Richard Simmons biopic might actually be dead

Unsurprisingly, the runaway train biopic trend has reached two inevitable, hopefully terminal stations. These days, it feels like every new project announced is either a controversial smooth-over job backed by an artist’s estate (i.e. Antoine Fuqua’s upcoming Michael Jackson biopic) or an equally controversial exploitation outing denounced by the central figure or their loved ones (i.e. Pamela Anderson’s disappointment over Pam & Tommy).

Pauly Shore’s long-threatened Richard Simmons film fits squarely into the latter category. Fortunately, unlike Amy Winehouse, Marilyn Monroe, and some other recent misrepresented subjects, the fitness guru is actually alive to voice his displeasure at the whole sordid thing; unfortunately, at least up to this point, Shore hasn’t seemed to care one bit. Based on a new Instagram post from actor, however, that seems to have (potentially) changed.

Last week, Simmons once again broke his retreat from public life to react to the news that Robot Chicken writer Jordan Allen-Dutton had been attached to pen the script for Warner Bros.’ feature. “I just read that a man that I don’t know is writing my bio pic starring Pauly Shore. I do not approve this movie,” Simmons write on Twitter/X, adding, “I am in talks with major studios to create my own bio pic with some help. Wait for this movie.” Shore initially followed up with his usual dismissal of Simmons’ very real anxiety. “As you know, many biopics are made without the subject agreeing to be part of it: Elvis, Stephen Hawking, Marilyn Monroe, Steve Jobs and many, many more. Some of them turned out good, some of them turned out bad. Mine is going to turn out amaze-balls,” the actor wrote in paragraph five of an extremely long rant on Instagram. “Let me know when you want me to come over with yummy food from Canters, and Jordan and I will pitch you in your living room,” he continued. (Note: none of the subjects Shore mentions here are actually alive to argue.)

But if anything was ever going to deter a guy like Shore, it was probably an insult to his own person. One day later, he followed up with a second post adding a third challenger to the ring. “I just read the amazing news that Richard Simmons wants Tom Cruise to play him in his biopic. That’s fantastic!” Shore wrote. (It’s unclear where he actually “read” this particular news.) “He definitely resembles Richard more than me, don’t you think? I understand why Richard wants Tom to play him. Because Tom Cruise is sexxxyyy. And I’m an ugly duckling. Not cool, doooodz.”

“Come to think of it, all of this is just too much for me,” he continued, likely to the sound of a confetti cannon going off somewhere in Simmons’ house. “I’m dropping out of the race like Nikki Haley. I’m opting out. I’m gonna move to a forest in Bangladesh and just do ayahuasca for the next month and rethink my life. Goodbye my Richard Simmons biopic dreams.”

While this statement sounds a bit facetious, it’s the closest we’ve gotten to a retreat from Shore thus far. Hopefully, it sticks.