Phase 1 of Cards Against Humanity’s plan to stop the border wall is complete
As the majority of Americans sit back in disbelief, watching the legalized form of bribery that is the American political system of donors and elected shills enact some of the worst and most blatant class-war legislation in more than a decade, realizing our repeated phone calls (you have been calling, right?) raging against the dying of the constituent-based light are no match for the cowardice of someone who looks at the U.S. Senate and thinks, “Seems like a chance to make some real money,” it’s hard to maintain hope that anything will make it out of this case of congressional Tourette’s syndrome alive.
Which is why it’s nice to get a little Monday morning pick-me-up in the form of Cards Against Humanity’s plan to fuck up any plan for a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. As we reported last month, the company’s holiday promotion, “Cards Against Humanity Saves America,” rewards subscribers with six surprises over the course of December in exchange for $15 it then would use to purchase a plot of land along the border and retain a law firm specializing in eminent domain in order to make it as difficult as possible for the wall to get built. Day one is now complete, and the land is purchased, there is a lawyer’s statement about the plan to fight any efforts to appropriate the plot, and an illustrated map of the land showing the proposed use of the wide-open gap in the wall, complete with a “Bienvenidos A Los Estados Unidos!” greeting any potential immigrants.
As is pointed out repeatedly by the game company, the Trump administration plan is still ostensibly a go, “despite the fact that walls have been militarily obsolete since the advent of gunpowder.” Cards Against Humanity hired some folks to build a big-ass trebuchet facing in the direction of where the theoretical wall would stand. The explanation for the machine is provided below, in the company’s own words:
Since the Trump administration is committed to using 12th-century military technology to protect our country from Mexican invaders, we have responded in kind by building a 30-foot trebuchet, a medieval catapult designed to destroy walls. We paid 300 gold to increase its attack damage, so it’s very powerful.
For obvious legal reasons, the company makes clear the trebuchet is not to knock down any possible walls. (“We cannot possibly overstate that we are not going to crush Trump’s twenty-billion-dollar wall with our totally badass trebuchet. But if we wanted to, we could.”) We look forward to the arrival of day two. But in the meantime, please don’t let the Senate’s craven opportunism allow you to stop raising hell about other issues, like net neutrality. Here are some simple and important ways you can help to prevent the next disastrous idea from this sentient drooling Monopoly Man of an administration.