Rock Of Ages

Finally breathing some squalling life into those early, static images of a lusciously maned, prancing Tom Cruise prepping for his qualifying run at the Scott Stapplechase, here is your first look at Rock Of Ages, in which Adam Shankman’s love of shouty excess finds its natural milieu in the late-’80s Sunset Strip. Unfortunately you’ll have to see the actual movie—or at least, a longer trailer—to hear Cruise belt out any power ballads, as this preview handles the shadow of his presence with the same mythic awe bestowed upon his character, Stacee Jaxx, with both flitting indifferently about the edges of the hair metal scene.

In the meantime, however, Alec Baldwin is front and center wearing his own lush, latter-day-Joe Elliott wig, and channeling his usual Baldwin imperiousness as the owner of a club at the center of a burgeoning war between rock ’n’ roll dreamers like Russell Brand, Julianne Hough, and Diego Boneta, and a group of histrionic protesters led by Catherine Zeta-Jones, who attacks every line of dialogue like it just personally insulted her. You’ll also find a gloriously sleazy Paul Giamatti and a predictably half-naked Malin Akerman, plus Mary J. Blige as Dee Snider, we think. But of course, what really matters is the music—all the cheesy rock hits of yesteryear reimagined as Broadway razzmatazz, then filtered through the winking voices of movie stars. There are going to be so many different YouTube videos made from this someday.