Sadly, aliens will probably never read Werner Herzog’s memoir

Let’s get something straight: You will not learn about Werner Herzog’s sex life in his new memoir, appropriately titled Every Man For Himself And God Against All. Nor will aliens ever read the book. It’s also not a biography, and don’t expect any insights into the meaning of his work. In what can only be described as a Herzogian interview with Variety, the legendary director, actor, and author dropped some truths that can only be read in his iconic voice.

For example, when Variety’s Peter Debruge asked if extraterrestrials would ever read his book, he said, “It won’t happen because the distances are too far.” We suppose that means Baby Yoda will never read it either, which is just sad. Herzog nevertheless believes that life exists somewhere in the cosmos’s far reaches, surely pleasing a worried Tom DeLonge. “It’s highly probable,” he said. “We share the same history with the universe; we share the same physics and chemistry. But it may just be algae or bacteria, or in the best case, something like the biological life in the snot of a toddler.”

It’s fitting that such eccentric questions would arise in the conversation. Herzog needed to set some expectations about his new book because “It’s not a biography,” he said. “Don’t expect that.” Strangely enough, one of his friends thought that Every Man For Himself would reveal the intimate details of Herzog’s sex life and what he meant by ‌Fitzcarraldo. No dice, says Herzog. “Some friend of mine said, ‘We’ll learn all about your sex life.’ No, you will not. If you want to know about the origins and themes of my films, you have to read A Guide For The Perplexed,’ which contains every single film.”

Despite a healthy, long-lasting life as an artist, producing some of the most revered, studied, and beloved movies ever, Herzog believes that his writing will live on far past his films. “For more than 40 years, I keep preaching to deaf ears that my poetry and my prose will probably outlive my films. For example, Cobra Verde has some wild opening sentence about heat. The dogs are motionless in the heat, and then, ‘Demented from anger, metallic insects sting glowing stones.’ It’s for you, the reader. I don’t need it. I write the screenplay, and then I put it aside and forget about it. But the financiers need it; the organizers and the actors need it.”

It seems more likely that audio of him reading sentences like that will outlive all of his art. Nevertheless, it’s worth reading Variety’s full chat with Herzog because it’s filled with phrases like, “In all my films, there’s a sense of curiosity and always a sense of profound awe, to go to the outer limits of what we are, and looking deep into the very recesses of our soul.” That audiobook is going to be incredible.

Every Man For Himself And God Against All hits bookstores on October 10.