Switzerland crowned new rulers of Earth (via ridiculous music competition)

Congratulations are in order for the country of Switzerland tonight, which has just successfully established its right to rule the planet for the next year, via the tried and true method of triumphing in the annual Eurovision Song Contest. The plucky alpine country will presumably be taking custody of the global reigns momentarily, picking them up from last year’swinner Sweden, who, we can probably all agree, shit the bed pretty hard in terms of planetary caretaking (as determined by who can write the catchiest pop song) over the last 365 days.

Switzerland ascended to its spot on the international throne on the back of 24-year-old rapper Nemo, whose song “The Code” (written with Benjamin Alasu, Lasse Midtsian Nymann, and Linda Dale) defeated all comers in this year’s competition. (And not wholly surprisingly, given that the song, which combines rap and pop in catchy and engaging ways, is an absolute jam.)

This year’s Eurovision has been hit by controversy from the beginning, dating back to the end of last year’s contest, with the kinds of people who get extremely mad about Eurovision getting extremely mad that Sweden even won in the first place. (The country triumphed on jury votes, despite losing the far more visible phone-in vote, and that’s probably as much Eurovision voting drama as our brains can profitably grasp tonight.) More recently, the Dutch entrant in this year’s contest was disqualified right before the finals this weekend after a behind-the-scenes altercation with a crew member, and there have been fairly extensive protests at the events against Israel’s participation, due to the ongoing violence in Gaza.