The Masked Singer reveals its season 9 winner

It was finale time tonight for the only reality competition we know of where they uncrown you in victory, rather than the more expected opposite: Fox’s The Masked Singer. After 14 weeks of competition—also, roughly, the gestation period for the noble and speedy cheetah, in case you were curious—the show’s ninth season has come to a close, naming a winner, and revealing the identities of all participants in this grim little masquerade.

Last week’s semi-final winnowed the field down to just two, after it was revealed—shockingly—that the acapella-singing, heavily harmonizing five-person “California Roll” group was actually Pentatonix all along. Tonight’s final, then, saw The Macaw face off against The Medusa, with the gorgon triumphing over the endangered bird in the end with a breathy rendition of My Chemical Romance’s “Welcome To The Black Parade,” and with The Macaw forced to reveal themselves as singer David Archuleta.

And while we, personally, think it would be way more interesting if the prize for winning The Masked Singer was never, ever having to reveal that you were on The Masked Singer, the producers continue to refuse our calls. And so it was time to reveal Medusa, as well: Singer Bishop Briggs, who will now get to add to her various accolades the fact that she kicked the shit out of a 97-year-old Dick Van Dyke in a celebrity singing competition.

(Also, we don’t necessarily want to harp on this point, but isn’t it a little disappointing when someone does really well on this show and then, woo, they turn out to be a professional singer? If we were George Wendt, busting out Huey Lewis songs in a giant Moose costume, we might ask for some handicapping in that regard.)

Nevertheless: Briggs is the victor, and was gracious in victory, expressing her love for Archuleta and for the competition as a whole. And Ken Jeong was also there, because that’s how this show works.