The president of the United States is a talker’s job, one that, during this past election, was handed out based on who could land a funny quip on their opponent rather than having any kind of grasp of sound governmental policy. (Unfortunately.) Donald Trump is usually pretty good at that angry pitbull side of things, with a talent for lobbing invective that far outstrips his skills at diplomacy, statecraft, governance, fashion, taste, and pretty much all other walks of presidential life. We all have our off days, though, and the schadenfreude flowed freely this afternoon, when Trump finished a speech to the nation with a wholehearted call for God to bless the Unoddeshates, the countshry he’sh the preshident of.
And hey, we get it: Trump is, at 71, the oldest person to ever take the office. Not that age is a bar for providing good governance—especially when greed, ego, stupidity, and skin thinner than the most delicate orange are all there to take up the blame—but no application of Polident can be perfect every time. If Trump is rocking dentures—as many people have speculated today, after listening to his mouth explode into a sudden bouquet of mumbles and sh’s at the end of the speech—that doesn’t say anything about his alleged ability to rule. After all, he’s already done worse to the Constitution in his first year of office than douse it with the spittle from his flapping, empty gums.